The Candy Cane Confession
by Tintinnabula
Summary: A two part Kakasaku Christmas Fic. It was Ino's idea for Sakura to dress up like the porn star Kakashi's been ogling-- who just happens to look a lot like Sakura. Rated M for lemon in part two.
1. Chapter 1

A Naruto Fanfiction. All characters and locales depicted in this work of fiction belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No profit will be made or is intended to be made from this fanfic.

Author's note: A fairly smutty Christmas fic. For those ages 18 and over only, please. Thanks!

Dedication: To the Kakasaku FC. I haven't been around much lately, as I've been sick most of the past month. Wish I'd been able to participate in the drabble exchange!

**The Candy Cane Confession**

_**a kakasaku two-shot **_

**Part One**

"I was right. Admit it."

"She does look a lot like me. The hair, I mean. Although obviously the color's not real. The carpet didn't match the drapes."

"Kakashi didn't return that DVD to Shika for three weeks. He had to hound him for it. Your copy ninja came up with excuse after excuse. Says a lot, I think."

Sakura stirred her ramen with a porcelain spoon and wished momentarily that she'd ordered the daily special—tonkatsu topped— instead of the relatively plain shoyu version. Not that it mattered, really. It was clear to her that Ino was going to talk her ear off, or at the very least yammer on until their lunch grew cold.

Sakura shoved the DVD in question along the counter until it bumped her friend's soup bowl. She was glad to be rid of it. While intriguing (and to be truthful, more than a little stimulating) Sakura hadn't enjoyed watching the video. Its heroine seemed too similar to _her, _although certainly better endowed in the pectoral area.

"It doesn't bother you that Shikamaru watches porn?" the pink haired kunoichi asked, puzzled by her friend's blithe comments. The blonde had always seemed the jealous type.

Ino laughed. "No, why should it? Guys like porn. Shika's a guy. Besides, it's just fantasy. That kind of thing only makes a person's sex life richer."

They were delving into too-much-information territory, Sakura feared. Still, she couldn't contain her curiosity.

"And it doesn't concern you that your husband owns a DVD where the main, uh, character looks quite a bit like me?"

"Why should it? Candie Cain doesn't normally look like that, anyway. Usually she's platinum blonde, with turquoise eyes." Ino winked at her gape-faced friend.

"Shika gets off to a girl that looks like _you_?"

"Only when I'm not around. Men have needs, Sakura. I thought you knew that."

The thought of a husband fapping to a top-heavy caricature of his wife was not a comforting one. It just seemed so... dirty.

Apparently Ino was reading her friend's mind, although there was no sign that she'd performed her signature jutsu.

"Sakura, you really are quite a prude, considering you're a kunoichi. You're supposed to be a lot more open-minded about these things."

"Really? I'm supposed to be open-minded about the fact that Kakashi-sensei spent three weeks watching a porno starring a woman with the exact same hair color as me? Especially when you say it's proof that he has some kind of thing for me? Sorry, but it's just too weird."

Weird. Disturbing. Stalker-creepy.

Ino giggled again. "Take it as a compliment. What _I_ find weird is the fact that you still call him "Sensei." Do you have some kind of teacher fetish?"

Sakura shook her head vigorously and attempted with controlled breaths to stop the blush forming on her cheeks.

"How long was he your teacher? Six months?"

"Nine." The nine short months of team seven's existence.

"And he acknowledged you as a colleague after that. So what's wrong with him being attracted to you? It happens all the time. Look at Tenten and Gai—"

"I'd rather not." Sakura shuddered. The thought of those two going at it was frightening.

"Or even me and Shika. Teammates get together all the time."

"But he's never said anything."

"Please." This note of sarcasm was accompanied by an eyeroll. "The man is socially inept. And you're not much better. But there must have been some clues. Something you missed."

"No. Not really." Kakashi did stop by the hospital fairly often, but most active ninja did. And when Sakura visited the jounin lounge for the relative peace and quiet it offered the man often sat across the table from her. This was true whether the room was crowded or nearly empty.

But that was it. The illustrious copy ninja never offered to take her to lunch or dinner. And when he did sit opposite her, they hardly engaged in small talk. He was his usual taciturn self, hardly paying her heed. Instead he would sit quietly either reading his ever present soft porn novels (she'd finally gotten a hold of one and confirmed that indeed porn— poorly written porn— was what these books contained) or scrawling out a mission report in his cramped and near-illegible hand.

He couldn't be attracted to her. It was all just a coincidence. A hinky coincidence pieced together by a friend's over-stimulated imagination.

"Haven't you wondered why no one asks you out?"

Of course Sakura had. But she'd assumed it was due to the fact that she was the most boring, prudish kunoichi in the village. Or that her breath smelled.

"It's because of _him_, Sakura."

"No it's not."

"Somehow, they know that Kakashi's got his eye on you. And they're smart enough to stay away."

"But you have no evidence of that, do you? You would have said so, otherwise." Idle speculation was annoying, as was Ino's tendency to jump to unwarranted conclusions. She didn't date much. That in no way meant that Kakashi was the cause.

"For someone so smart, you really are stupid, Sakura. You're not as ugly as you think. Sorry, I said that wrong. You're not ugly at all. You're pretty. Everyone says so. _ I_ say so. So why shouldn't you be in a relationship?"

"You know that I'm too busy for that."

"With work? You have nothing to prove at the hospital. You're already in charge— at twenty two! Why not rest on your laurels a bit?"

"There's no time."

"Life is short, Sakura. In our line of work you never know when it might end. It bugs me— well, it bugs _us—_"

"Us?" Just whom was Ino gossiping with? The thought of the details of her personal life broadcast all around Konoha caused Sakura's fists to clench. Ino was a good friend, but a horrible rumor monger. If she was telling the world that Kakashi and Sakura should hook up, well, she'd have to kill the woman.

"_Shika_ and me. It bugs us that you're wasting the prime of your life on work and whatever stupid thing it is that you do in your spare time."

"Needlepoint isn't stupid." She was almost finished stitching a matching set of seat covers for the dining room table she was planning to buy. Eventually.

"Compared to finding happiness it is. Life is all about love."

Sakura made no response to this truism, but Ino was undeterred.

"You're not forty, you know. Stop acting like a spinster." Ino eyed her friend critically before launching into her next barrage of questions. "So how do you feel?"

"About what? Your intrusive behavior?"

"About _him_."

About Kakashi. Sakura didn't dare tell her friend of the many dreams she'd had of the copy ninja. They'd started at age seventeen, after the village was finally secured and her former teacher had stepped down as interim hokage. On the day of Naruto's ascension Sakura saw a look of relief pass across the tiny visible portion of her former teacher's mask-covered face. Others might not have noticed the emotion fleetingly written there, but Sakura had and she understood its meaning fully. Kakashi hadn't wanted to take on the governance of the village. Protecting it as a soldier was enough for him, and he was glad to get back to this relatively lowly job.

Kakashi's humility was a revelation to Sakura. She'd perceived him as aloof before, with hints of well-hidden arrogance. But that wasn't him at all, she'd realized. Here was a man who truly loved his village, who would do whatever it took to protect it. He was a man who would take on distasteful tasks (and it was clear the formal duties of hokage were indeed distasteful to Kakashi), easily putting aside the desires of his ego and id.

She'd always viewed him as a man to look up to. Certainly this hadn't changed.

But she'd never seen him as human before.

The dreams started then. They troubled her greatly at first, because as Ino indicated, Sakura _was_ a bit of a prude. The fact that her subconscious was willing to embroider half-naked pictures of her former sensei, pictures in which he came to her, sometimes to seduce, other times to ravish: this was more than she was willing to consider. She pushed the images aside, taking cold showers each morning then running the village's perimeter for as long as it took to make her dreams' residue vanish.

But Sakura was a smart girl if a stubborn one. Eventually she realized she couldn't deny her attraction to Kakashi. However it would remain that—attraction— and nothing more. It would be foolish to think that a man of his age and experience might feel the same way toward her. He'd been Hokage before she'd turned eighteen—what could she possibly have to offer him?

"I said, how do you feel about him? But I guess I know. Don't think I missed that look on your face just now. How long have you had a crush on him?"

"Oh," Sakura's voice quavered, "years."

Her friend cackled like the elderly gossip she was destined to become. "You are such an idiot, Sakura. Why didn't you tell me? We could have fixed things way back then."

"Fixed things?"

Ino nodded vigorously, and Sakura cringed as she saw an impish grin appear upon her friend's classically beautiful face.

"I've got a plan."

Sakura sighed. "Of course you do."

"We're going to turn you into Candie Cain! Come on!" She dragged her friend away from her barely eaten soup and into a street crowded with a throng of holiday shoppers.

"First stop, Pink!"

Not Pink. Please, not Pink. It was well known as Kakashi's home away from home, the place for him to indulge his passion for Jiraiya-sensei's "literature" and of course the associated merchandise branded with the Icha, Icha logo.

Thankfully, he wasn't there. Kakashi must be back at the jounin lounge, where she'd left him when Ino came barging in, angry that Sakura had stood her up for lunch. Not that she'd done so. They didn't have plans for the day. Well, Sakura didn't. It was clear now that Ino had an agenda all along.

"Keep the DVD. You'll need to memorize Candie's lines." Ino laughed raucously, loud enough to send the shop keeper scurrying toward them.

"We need a Santa outfit," she said when the owner arrived. "Something sexy, obviously." Ino flashed the DVD case at the store's proprietor. "Something like this."

The owner eyed Sakura up and down, and the pink haired kunoichi was sure she saw a flash of recognition in the man's sharp eyes. He nodded in approval. "I have just what you need. In back. I'll be right out."

He returned moments later with a skimpy outfit in red velvet, trimmed in fluffy maribou feathers and a black vinyl belt. It looked like it might fit a six year old, but, as the owner pointed out, it stretched.

Sakura retired to the dressing room, stripped quickly and tugged on the curve hugging outfit. Not that it hugged all of her curves. Her breasts were spilling out of the thing, even with its narrow satin straps tightened as far as possible. It made her wonder how someone as silicone-enhanced as the real Candie Cain pulled off such attire.

"You'll need a bra," she heard the rather effeminate shopkeeper call through the louvered dressing room door. The door opened slightly and a well-manicured hand presented to her a fire engine red peephole brassiere. Sakura cringed as she examined the silken fabric. It was identical, she realized, to the one worn by the porn star, and its distinctive lack of fabric underscored the fact that this was a garment intended purely for sex. But it did the job of holding the girls in place, too. It pushed and prodded her chest into a display of abundance that would make any man look twice.

Sakura swallowed the lump of unease growing at the back of her throat and smiled warily at her reflection. If she was going to go through with this farce (and knowing Ino, there was no doubt in Sakura's mind that she _would_ be going through with it) she might was well go for broke. Sakura once again pulled up the velvet and feather garment, and gingerly opened the door, but not before tugging firmly downward in an attempt to hide her half uncovered posterior.

"Marvelous!" The owner probably said that to every patron, male or female, so Sakura relied on her friend's response, instead. Ino's gaze was critical, like that of a fashion designer analyzing her model for flaws.

"I think fishnets would be too slutty."

"_Too_ slutty?" Despite her resolve, Sakura couldn't help speaking up. "So this isn't slutty enough already?"

Sakura's friend ignored her. "I say we go for these." The blonde waved red and white striped thigh highs at her friend. "And what about panties?" This was addressed to the store owner. "I was thinking a thong..."

"Hmm. You know, I've got some really nice split crotch panties that match the bra."

Sakura's eyes widened to saucer proportions. The owner noted her alarm and chuckled softly. "but I think on a lady like you, these would do nicely." He crossed the store and returned with a pair of cotton bikinis. They matched the stripe of the thigh highs, and thankfully, contained enough fabric to cover at least a portion of her derriere.

"I really don't need to try these on, do I? They're obviously my size..."

"Oh, fine, Sakura. Be a spoilsport. This is the only time I'll see you dressed up, you know."

Was this about Ino's entertainment, then? No, no, her friend wasn't that cruel.

"Shoes. You need shoes. Not G.I. sandals or those horrible nurses' shoes you wear, either."

"These." The shop proprietor produced a pair of platform Mary Janes, their heels high enough to cause a broken ankle should the wearer slip. Just perfect for icy December streets, Sakura noted wryly. She tried the shoes on quickly, managing a smile when she noticed that they did flatter her legs. There was a reason strippers wore such outlandish shoes, after all. They might be completely impractical, but they were also dead sexy.

Sakura bolted from the store as soon as her purchases were paid for, and after looking in both directions down the still-busy street. It would be horrifying to run into anyone she knew. Thankfully Pink was discrete enough to wrap purchases in plain brown paper. Nevertheless, Sakura high tailed it away from the garishly decorated shop windows, not bothering to wait for Ino despite the blonde's angry cries.

Her friend caught up with her and steered her into a nearby confectionery.

"A candy cane. You can't forget that."

It was the highlight of the film: Candie Cain's amorous interactions with a sugary peppermint stick took up a good half of the movie. Sakura bit her lip as Ino dragged her from aisle to aisle of the sucrose infused shop, and nervously wriggled from her friend's grasp as the blonde picked up what could only be described as a candy rod.

It was exactly the same as the one Candie used in the movie, not something that could hang from an evergreen, owing to its lack of a hook and ridiculous size. Rather it was a treat that would last the average child a good month or so, assuming he or she worked on it daily for an hour or so.

"Ino, I really don't think—"

"Don't you want to find out how he really feels?"

"I guess so. But—"

"No buts. This will send him over the edge. And if he does feel something for you, you'll definitely know it."

"I don't think I—"

"You're a kunoichi, aren't you? This really isn't that much different from the lab practical we had in year two of the academy."

Ino was right. But said practical was done in the presence of a female teacher, not a potential lover.

Lover. Sakura's heart flipped at the thought of it. The idea seemed so unlikely. Much more realistic was the chance of her making a fool out of herself.

Ino picked up three of the over-sized Christmas confections and headed for the cash register.

"Why so many?" Sakura asked as they exited the store. She was half-afraid to hear the answer.

"You'll need to practice. And," she added with a grin, "one is for me."

* * *

It took Sakura two evenings to learn her part. The dialogue wasn't particularly difficult to memorize, given that most of it consisted of assorted moans, groans and shrieks of delight. There was an introductory dialogue, as even the least plot driven film needed a shred of context before the banging began. Sakura was by no means a connoisseur of this particular art form-- she'd seen only three such films before, but this one fit the same mold as the other ones. The lead in was cliché, and woodenly delivered. But the sex scene was surprisingly realistic, apart from various surgically enhanced body parts. Again, Sakura couldn't claim expertise, but the couple seemed as engaged as she'd ever been while doing the act.

And that was where the trouble lay. Emulating such vigorous foreplay (self-play?) was proving to be quite difficult.

After three hours straight of candy cane caresses, Sakura's throat was numb from peppermint oil, and fairly sore. She couldn't master the real Candie's sword-swallowing act, and had absolutely no intention of trying the X-rated follow up. The only positive in this endeavor was the fact that Sakura's breath was uncommonly fresh the next day, so much so that her patients remarked on it.

That alone was enough to make her wonder if it _was_ her breath that kept the men away.

At the end of her work shift, Sakura made her way to the cylindrical administrative building and slipped into to the deserted jounin lounge. She had no desire to return home. The mirror would beckon to her, and her perfectionism would drive her to while away the evening practicing for her eventual encounter with the copy ninja.

Sakura chose a chair facing the door and pulled out a copy of Ninja Medic Quarterly. The script she'd transcribed the night before was tucked inside, and despite the emptiness of the room she eyed the words surreptitiously. She couldn't help but feel dirty about her upcoming show, even if as Ino said the ends justified the means.

She was glad of the journal when she heard a dry cough. Sakura looked up from her reading to see Kakashi sitting opposite. When he'd slipped in she had no idea. But she had the unnerving feeling he'd been gazing at her for the past couple of minutes.

She smiled nervously as she shut the journal and shoved it inside the tote bag she carried.

"You left so quickly the day before last."

"Oh. Right, Ino. She's always doing things like that. Dragged me all over town in her quest for the perfect Christmas gift. For Shikamaru." That last detail was just in case Kakashi had heard they'd visited Pink.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you—"

"What?"

Kakashi scratched his head the way he always did when flustered. He never blushed, looked down or gave any other sign of discomfort, but during her time on team Kakashi Sakura had learned to interpret the subtleties of his nonverbal communication.

"I was your secret Santa this year. I missed the party, but I do have your gift. I was wondering if you'd be willing to stop by for it."

"Sure!" The exclamation bounced out of its own volition and ricocheted around the near empty room. He must be able to sense her nervousness. Surely it was palpable. "When?" she asked with a bit more control.

"How about tomorrow night, after you get off work?"

Sakura nodded in response. Somehow he knew she was working nights all week. That was a good sign. Perhaps a bit stalkerish, but then again, maybe not.

"So, around eight?"

Kakashi nodded before pushing his chair back, and exiting with alacrity.

She had a full twenty four hours until her date with mortification.

* * *

Courage didn't come in a bottle, but it was a fair enough substitute. Sakura stopped by the liquor store on her way home from work and grabbed a bottle of schnapps. She finished it before dressing in her Santa's helper ensemble, and while she was a bit unsteady on her feet by the time she made it to her front door, the blast of cold air that met her as she stepped outside sobered her up enough to bring back the anxiety that had tormented her all day.

Sakura pulled her traveling cape around her as she tromped through the layer of new snow that blanketed the village. Her platform shoes kept her feet dry, although they did little to prevent her from sliding on the newly packed footprints of others.

The streets were empty, thankfully, so there was no one to gawk at her striped legs and too short skirt. Christmas eve was a night for couples and toasts before roaring fireplaces, not treks down deserted roads. Sakura slipped down unshoveled sidewalks before taking to the untouched snow of the road, and cursed herself for forgetting her gloves.

Sakura made it to Kakashi's apartment in one piece, however, her cheeks and nose reddened by the cold, if not the alcohol. She paused at the foot of the stairs leading to his floor of the building, ran her hands over the twin pigtails holding her shoulder length hair away from her head, and tugged firmly on the stocking that had managed to creep down her right thigh. After a quick adjustment to her decolletage (her outfit had also slipped a bit) she climbed the stairs to Kakashi's apartment and gingerly rang the bell.

A blast of hot air hit Sakura as the door opened. Kakashi stood before her in only sweatpants, a white tank undershirt and his ever present mask.

He invited her in and invited her to take her shoes off before crossing to the other side of a small living room and an even smaller Christmas tree.

As he rummaged through the packages under it, Sakura glanced around the room. The blanket covering the kotatsu was disturbed, as though someone had recently been sitting under it, and on the table itself was a six pack of beer and bowl of chips.

Maybe he was planning on inviting her to stay.

Sakura unclasped her cape and shrugged. The garment fell to the ground behind her with a soothing whoosh, just as it had the twenty-odd times she'd practiced this move. Her hands trembled a bit as they clasped the candy cane she'd brought along, and Sakura held her breath as she waited for Kakashi to turn toward her.

He did, agonizingly slowly, and Sakura prepared to launch into the dialogue and accompanying gestures she'd run through repeatedly.

"I've been very bad, Santa," she began.

Kakashi's eyes widened—both eyes, as he'd pushed back his hair upon glimpsing her— and the small box he was holding dropped to the tatami covered floor.

"Sakura?"

His question was punctuated by the unmistakable (and horribly impolite) sound of a toilet flushing, and Sakura wondered just how thin the walls were in the apartment complex.

A door creaked open, and Yamato strolled into the living room, scratching himself lazily.

Like Kakashi, he was clad in sweats. But only sweats— his chest was bare and he was minus his normal headpiece.

Sakura looked from Kakashi to his kohai, and back again.

Then she bolted.

_Part two to be posted tomorrow (as soon as its written)! Merry Christmas, all!_


	2. Chapter 2

A Naruto Fanfiction. All characters and locales depicted in this work of fiction belong to Masashi Kishimoto. No profit will be made or is intended to be made from this fanfic.

Author's note: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed part one. Glad it brought a laugh! Lemon in this chapter—ages 18 and over only, please. Thanks!

**The Candy Cane Confession**

_**a kakasaku two-shot **_

**Part Two**

Sakura flew down snow-covered stairs and was halfway down the street before she realized she'd left her cloak behind. It was snowing heavily, and shuriken size clumps of damp snowflakes clung to the ridiculous pigtails she wore and were already soaking through her minimal clothing.

The streets were no longer deserted, as the snowfall had brought out lovers to walk and play in the softly falling snow. Sakura was sure they were staring at her, not each other. And why wouldn't they? It wasn't every night that one saw a tarted up Santa's helper sliding down the street.

Sakura wished the ground beneath her would open up and swallow her. She might have helped this along with her Tsunade-given strength, but any chasm she made wouldn't be deep enough to hide her mortification.

She'd expected to be embarrassed this evening. Maybe even humiliated, should Ino's conjecture be false. But her present state of mind went way beyond this, into the realm of abasement and stultification.

How could she not have realized Kakashi was gay?

Yamato was always there, now that Sakura thought about it, always ready to do Kakashi's bidding, like a loyal dog. He was obviously the uke in the relationship: Sakura couldn't imagine Kakashi as anything but the dominant partner.

But what did she know? She hadn't imagined any of this before now. The idea that Kakashi had a boyfriend/lover/fuckbuddy was still making her reel.

Then why had he kept Shikamaru's video for three weeks?

It had to be Jack Frost, the male lead of the movie. He was as sexy as Candie, in a male model kind of way. He had the physique of a ninja, minus the scars, one that likely kept him at the gym for six hours a day. He was ravishingly handsome as well, with perfect chiseled features, icy blue eyes and silver-white hair that gave him the ageless quality of a classical statue.

Ino was wrong, so wrong, about all of this. Idiot gossip.

Sakura shook her head in disgust, then lost her balance as she slipped on the icy sidewalk. She slid head on into a snow bank with cartoon klutziness, and rose from the mound looking like Konoha's version of the abominable snowman. Assuming said snowman favored prostitute's clothing.

Sakura picked herself up gingerly, and pulled her too small costume in two directions to cover both largely uncovered expanses of flesh. It was a futile endeavor, however. Realizing this Sakura hurried home, avoiding the main streets while walking carefully in her patent stripper shoes to prevent another fall, and shivering all the while.

She tore up her own stairs, once she reached them, her head down to avoid an encounter with any neighbors who might be out and about at this relatively early hour.

Therefore she didn't see him leaning against her door frame. Instead she barreled into Kakashi, causing the agile ninja to catch her mid fall.

She knew it was him immediately, before she even lifted her head. She knew his chakra, and her senses seemed highly attuned this evening. She noticed, for instance that he held her tightly when he caught her, and for a moment she thought he was about to pull her close. But there was an awkward, rigid instant where he seemed to change his mind. He ended up holding her nearly at arm's length instead.

But that wasn't surprising for a gay man, was it?

"Are you okay? Sakura, you're shivering." Almost instantaneously his cloak was around her, and she huddled gratefully into the wool garment's lingering warmth.

"I'm f-fine. J-just fine." Her teeth were chattering, which wasn't surprising given the below freezing temperatures and her soaked through clothing.

"Let's go inside. Shall we?"

"No, no. It's a mess. Really. I'm okay. I'll see you around. In the jounin lounge, I guess." She smiled feebly at him. Her studio apartment was a wreck. Two nights worth of take out cartons littered her coffee table, and she hadn't bothered to make her daybed that morning. Clothes were scattered everywhere, as well. But more than that, she didn't want to talk to him.

"Fine." Kakashi crouched down and with the blood from a just-bit finger daubed a circle on the walkway outside her door, a shape large enough to hold both of them. "My place it is, then." He grabbed her hand in his own, and with his free one formed the single-handed seals needed to transport them quickly.

They arrived at his apartment in a dizzying whirl of melting snowflakes, and Sakura was reminded of how much she hated this technique. It generated wind chill for one thing, and nausea, for another.

But she didn't protest as he dragged her into his place, where it was as blissfully warm as she remembered. Better, he quickly lit a fire in the grate, and installed her before it.

"I'd ask you to take off your clothing but..."

She saved him the inconvenience of an explanation. It was completely unsurprising that he'd be uncomfortable with a half-dressed woman in his home. As opposed to a man.

"It's no problem! Nylon dries quickly. I'll be just like new in a couple of minutes."

In a matter of minutes she'd be warm enough to leave. Thankfully. Then she'd put this miserable evening beside her. After kicking Ino's ass.

Her mouth opened into a shape approaching a gape as Kakashi pulled his mask off.

"Much better," he said through teeth she noticed were absolutely straight. "Soaked through. Just like that outfit you're wearing."

He was as handsome as she expected. Not movie star gorgeous, like Jack Frost the porn star, but handsome nonetheless. He had dimples on either side of a somewhat wide mouth, and his face was graced with cheekbones that seemed carved from the finest Earth country marble.

That was why he covered himself up, she realized. To keep women from gaping at him.

"Why are you wearing that outfit, anyway?"

Sakura shrugged as casually as possible, using every acting skill she'd ever learned in kunoichi class to hide her anxiety. There was no way she could tell him the truth.

"It was a wager with Ino. Like the ones you have with Gai." Speaking of which. Maybe he and Kakashi and Yamato had the occasional three way. There was no possiblity that Gai was straight if Kakashi wasn't. No chance on earth. Sakura's mind reeled at the possible scenarios.

"Everything okay, Sakura? You looked like you were about to faint just now.

Sakura nodded before burying her head in her hands for a minute.

"And your heart is racing. I can hear it from here."

Damn his dog-like senses.

The place was quiet, Sakura noticed once she calmed down. Unopened containers of beer still stood on the kotatsu.

"Yamato left?"

"Tenzou— er, Yamato. Yes. Right after you did."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare him off."

"No worries. I recorded the game. We can catch it another time."

"The game?"

Kakashi regarded her as though she'd just arrived in Konoha from another planet.

"The _game_. The Ninja World Cup."

"Oh?" It sounded vaguely familiar.

"Held every December. Location rotates among the major nations."

"Right."

"It was held here, just the year before last."

Sakura wrinkled her brow. She'd heard something about it, she realized. Most of the bars showed it, if she recalled correctly. And a lot of the nurses had been yammering on about it at work.

"I took home three gold last year."

"Oh! Right! Yes, I remember." She didn't, but she obviously was supposed to. She couldn't miss the hint of disbelief-- and disappointment-- in Kakashi's voice.

"Yamato and I watch it every year."

_In your skivvies._

"And I ran him off? I'm sorry."

"Like I said, it's not a big deal. He's here almost all the time."

_I can only imagine._

"Besides," Kakashi added, "I invited you. Remember?"

"But you two were obviously spending quality time together. I intruded."

"What?" Kakashi squinted at her in confusion.

"You know, my clothes are almost dry. I really should be going."

"Nonsense." The copy ninja pulled a chair close to the fire and directed her to sit. "I'll let you know when you can go."

Sakura gulped. He'd used his Hokage voice, a tone that did not allow dissent. She sat gingerly on the very edge of the seat, aware that her her still sodden panties would make a heart-shaped wet spot on the chair's upholstery.

"What did you mean just now?"

Sakura widened her eyes into an expression she hoped appeared ingenuous, but otherwise did not respond.

"You mentioned quality time," Kakashi prompted.

"Um, right. What I meant to say is that... You know, it's none of my business, really. You were the Hokage. You don't answer to anyone."

"You're talking in circles." The Sharingan user's voice darkened measurably.

"I'm sure you and Yamato have enough troubles as is. It's not my place to—"

"What the hell are you talking about, Sakura?"

"You. And Yamato."

"Tenzou... and me?" Kakashi's hand found the crown of his head, and he spent a good fifteen seconds scratching his scalp in confusion.

"You think Ten-Yamato and I are—" Kakashi burst out laughing, finally, treating Sakura to the memorable sight of his mirth-filled face.

"You're not?"

"Well, Yamato is. He's as gay as a summer day." Kakashi's brow lowered. "But me? No."

Sakura sighed in relief.

"Of course, we did— well, it was for a mission, years ago. But Yamato still hasn't let go." Kakashi shrugged.

"He's carrying a torch for you?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes. But he knows nothing is going to happen, so... We're _friends_. He's one of the closest I've got. He'll get over it eventually." A frown descended over the copy ninja's visage. "You really thought I was gay?"

Sakura nodded gravely. "What's with the walking around in your underwear thing?"

"You might have noticed I keep it pretty warm in here. I hate the cold. And if it's warm I'd rather not be encumbered by layers of clothes. Surely you've noticed?"

"Um, no."

"And Yamato... well, he doesn't give up easily."

Kakashi regarded her carefully, then smiled in sudden recognition. "That's why you left, isn't it?"

Sakura blushed furiously. "I thought I was interrupting you two!"

"Funny how people jump to conclusions, isn't it? I will say it's good to know you'd accept my relationship with Yamato, assuming we had one." Kakashi's coal black eye sparkled with humor. "You're more tolerant than I thought."

"Right." Tolerant was not a word she'd use to describe herself. But Sakura would have accepted Kakashi's sexuality, eventually. It was none of her business whom he slept with, male or female. Or males or females. Or both. "You know, my clothes are dry. I should be going now." The kunoichi backed toward the door, but bumped into her onetime sensei once more. Kakashi was always been much faster than her, but this time she hadn't even seen him disappear.

"Not so fast."

It occurred to Sakura that she and Kakashi had spoken more in the past twenty minutes than they had in the previous five years combined. He wasn't his normal, taciturn self tonight, nor was he wearing the indolent facade he generally put on in public. He seemed full of life and vigilant, the way he looked when an enemy approached.

"Tell me about the bet."

"The bet?"

_What bet?_

"Your wager with Ino. I'd like details, please."

"It was just something silly. Something to humiliate me."

"I said _details_."

"Fine. I have to dress like this for all of Christmas Eve."

"Like what?"

"Like _this_." Sakura pointed to the skimpy outfit.

"But what are you?"

He was playing with her, she realized. Here was a side of Kakashi she hadn't known existed, a feline, mouse-abusing side.

"I'm Santa's helper, obviously."

"In that costume?"

"That's the humiliation part."

"How is it humiliating? You look quite nice."

"Oh." Sakura blushed again. "Thanks."

"But what's with the pigtails?"

"Um, it's because I'm an elf. Elves wear pigtails, you know?"

"No. I'd never heard that, actually."

"Yeah, well you learn something new every day, right?"

"You look like Candie Cain, now that I think about it."

Shit. He was on to her.

"And I'm sure I heard you say something earlier about being a very bad girl."

Sakura swallowed the saliva pooling in her mouth.

An ear to ear grin spread across the copy ninja's face. "That's part of it, isn't it? Your humiliation? You're reenacting a scene from a movie. A very _naughty_ movie. And I'm supposed to be your audience!"

"Ino doesn't need to know I didn't go through with it. Right? That can be between the two of us. And really, _really_, I need to go." Sakura struggled to get past him, but Kakashi held fast to her.

"There's _honor_, Sakura. It wouldn't be right for you not to keep your end of the bargain."

Sakura's eyes narrowed as she discerned the truth.

"This is punishment, isn't it? Because I thought you were gay!"

Kakashi shook his head slowly, almost patronizingly.

"Of course not. You were okay with me being gay, right? So why should I mind?" He crossed the room and installed himself on the threadbare recliner that stood next to the Christmas tree. "Sexuality's a lot more complex than most people realize, anyway."

She didn't reply. She had no idea what to say.

"So let's see it." He was using his Hokage voice again, the voice that reeked of authority and demanded respect.

She had no choice.

"'I've been very bad, Santa.'" She pointed her toes toward each other in a show of childish recalcitrance, just as Candie Cain had.

"'Call me Nick, please.'" Sakura's eyes widened as she realized Kakashi intended to play along.

Somehow, paradoxically, this gave her the tiniest bit of courage. Sakura chewed on her lower lip, although not as suggestively as the Christmas-themed porn star. "I'm on your list, aren't I?"

"Of naughty, naughty boys and girls?" Kakashi unfurled an imaginary scroll and scanned its contents. "Why _yes_, yes you are. But it doesn't say for what." He pushed the hair out of his eyes to expose his Sharingan, its slowly whirling iris informing her that indeed, he was recording their playacting.

"I... Well, I... Really, Kakashi, do I have to do this?"

The former Hokage nodded solemnly. "Yes. The play's the thing, after all."

"Huh?" She shouldn't have bothered to ask. There was no moving Kakashi once he made a decision. This was one reason he'd been such an effective Hokage.

"Um... give me a minute. Okay. 'I've been thinking about you, Santa.'"

"'Nick.'"

"'Nick.'" Sakura batted her eyelashes. "'But you're a married man. And the things I want to do to you--'"

"'Like what?'"

"' I can't tell you. They're much too... dirty. And naughty.'"

"'Then show me.'" Kakashi crossed the room to hand her the oversized candy cane she'd left behind when she bolted.  
"'Show me what you're thinking, my favorite elf.'"

"'But... it's naughty. And Mrs. Claus—'"

"'Mrs. Claus isn't here. She's out shopping.'" Kakashi affected a forlorn look. "'She doesn't appreciate me. But I think _you_ do.'"

"'Oh, Yes! I _do_!'"

"'Then show me.'"

Sakura slowly peeled the cellophane wrapper from the rod-shaped candy, and lifted its sugary tip to her lips. She allowed her tongue to play over the surface of the peppermint stick, executing the same motions as the pink-haired movie star, and occasionally adding a few of her own.

Sakura should have been sick of mint-flavored sugar, but she found she wasn't. She attacked the stick with gusto, easily sliding it down her throat when the script called for it. She glanced in Kakashi's direction as she caressed its tip again, and noted that his attention was total. His mouth was slightly open, the pink tip of his tongue touched lightly to his front teeth. And his eye was spinning more quickly than before, as though he were capturing these images with stop motion photography.

"'Santa, I want you.'"

"'Come here, then.'"

She didn't know what to do. Kakashi had answered as the script directed. But he couldn't really _want_ her to join him. This was just part of her punishment: he'd humiliate her somehow once she reached him.

She walked slowly towards him, her tongue darting in and out to taste the surrogate, sugared cock.

He took it from her as she reached his side, and played with the ersatz organ himself.

Then his lips were on hers, just as the script said they should be, and she felt his mint-flavored tongue caress her own. A wave of warmth spread through her and gathered at her groin.

She wanted him, just as much as she had in every dream she'd had of him. He could take her right now, and she wouldn't object. She'd welcome him, do everything in her power to please him. He could have her any way he wanted and under any circumstance.

"I want to suck you." Her eyes widened as the words slipped out. That wasn't in the script.

"You're my naughtiest helper, aren't you?"

Kakashi slid down his pants, and she knelt before him, like a subject before his lord, head bowed in earnest supplication.

He was big— somehow Sakura knew this would be the case. And he was hard-- so hard. He'd been enjoying this as much-- no, possibly more-- than she had.

She took him eagerly into her mouth, licking and sucking his sensitive tip, her tongue as inventive as it had been before.

He moaned, but that was on script. Then he called her name. _That_ certainly wasn't.

"God, Sakura. God."

"'Do you like it, Santa?'" She removed herself from him with a satisfying pop, and gazed up at him.

"Kakashi. Damn it. Not Santa. _Kakashi_." His eyes were half closed in bliss.

"'_Santa_.'"

His eyes opened wide, and she was half mesmerized by his spotted, ruby iris.

"I don't want Candie Cain. I want you, Sakura. Tell me you want me, too."

"I do, Kakashi."

He dropped to the floor, pants still around his ankles, and began stripping her.

"Damn it. You even wore the bra." Kakashi found its clasp and quickly removed it, exposing hypersensitive nipples to the balmy air of the room. He kneaded one breast as he suckled and nibbled the other, easily morphing its apex into a near orgasmic state.

She lifted her hips as he slid the velvet costume down her torso, and once again as he slowly removed her panties.

"These are still wet. But not from snow, I'm guessing." The copy ninja gently pushed her thighs apart, and the prude in her surfaced momentarily as he eagerly tasted her. But the sexually repressed part of Sakura vanished as Kakashi explored her sex, caressing her the sensitive crest of her flesh until she felt she might die of pleasure.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that." He rested his head on her pubis once he finished his ministrations. His smile was sublime, but only half-content.

Kakashi straddled her, supporting his weight on one arm as he reached for something beyond her head. A velvet covered box entered her field of view, and as it opened with a snap her eyes focused on a single ruby hung from a fine gold chain.

"Is it—"

"It was my Secret Santa gift to you. Truth is, I skipped the exchange party on purpose." Sakura was surprised to see a faint blush creep into the copy ninja's face. "I was afraid."

"Of me?"

"Of what you might say. I've wanted to tell you—"

"For how long? How long, Kakashi?"

On how many occasions had he sat opposite her, communicative as a stone Buddha? How many lazy waves had he sent her way, and how many crinkle-eyed smiles? And when had these sad attempts at non-verbal communication acquired a subtext?

"Since... " Kakashi thought for a moment. "Five years, I guess. Since your seventeenth birthday."

The week after he stepped down as leader of Konoha. Sakura laughed at the irony. Kakashi caressed her breasts as they jiggled in time to her small explosions of breath.

"So beautiful." An expression she'd never seen before illuminated his face. This was the copy ninja at peace, she realized, truly happy.

"Ino was right."

"Hmm?"

"She would have fixed this— us— a long time ago, if she'd known."

"You've lost me again."

"The thing is, Kakashi, I started... I fell for you five years ago, too. Almost exactly to the date. But I never thought you'd want me."

"But I do. God, do I."

"Yeah." She glanced down the length of his body, half suspended over hers, and surprised both him and herself by grasping his fully engorged member with an eager hand.

"I noticed."

...

_Thanks for reading! I hope this story brought you some Christmas cheer. --sh  
_


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